Vox Newman

The Black Market | April 9, 2011

Don’t miss it!  Today only, the criminal underworld is having a garage sale: a market on the shores of the Black Sea.  Setting aside their differences, members of the Yakuza, Triads, United Nations, Hell’s Angels, Russian and Italian mobs etc have put aside their differences to bring you this once in a lifetime opportunity.

Need spare pieces for a kneecap?  Look no further.  We’ve got everything you need, such as Sun Tzu’s lesser known work: the ‘Art of the Drive by’.   If you’re in need of cash, all of our vendors can spot you: prime plus 1000.

This is a once in a lifetime opportunity to snatch up various mafia memorabilia.  The secret map to Jimmy Hoffa’s body will be auctioned off after dinner.  The first 100 people receive a free ebook of Pablo Escobar’s ‘How to Win Enemies and Influence the Drug Trade’ and a free Tony Montana poster signed by Al Pacino.

Of course, there will be many life size replicas of Jabba the Hutt available for purchase; we know you’ll want a statue of the patron saint of crime for your own home.  So make sure you come into our market on the day our daughter is to be married and ask a favour!


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