Vox Newman

I Know of Kung Fu!

April 23, 2011
3 Comments

I’ve watched quite a few Kung Fu movies and I think I’ve got the gist of it.  I’m ready to hunt down that bully that works for the local gang.  You won’t have to pay protection fees anymore.  Well, not their protection fees, anyway.  Heroes got to get paid, son.

Let me fill you in on my credentials.kung fu yin yang shao lin scissor vox newman

I’m like the goddamn Batman.  I’ll come in and those criminals will be all “Who’s this guy?” but their lips won’t be moving properly in sync with their words and it’ll seem all weird until you realize that some unknown presence is speaking through them.

Who cares?  I’m gonna punch their faces off anyway.

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The Black Market

April 9, 2011
3 Comments

Don’t miss it!  Today only, the criminal underworld is having a garage sale: a market on the shores of the Black Sea.  Setting aside their differences, members of the Yakuza, Triads, United Nations, Hell’s Angels, Russian and Italian mobs etc have put aside their differences to bring you this once in a lifetime opportunity.

Need spare pieces for a kneecap?  Look no further.  We’ve got everything you need, such as Sun Tzu’s lesser known work: the ‘Art of the Drive by’.   If you’re in need of cash, all of our vendors can spot you: prime plus 1000.

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