So, I was chatting with a chipmunk today and he said this bird he’d spoken with earlier was blathering about a moose she met who was moaning about the fact that he was invited to the party of the century by magical pixies and how he couldn’t make it. The party in question was being DJ’d by Xaxthanol 6 of the Intergalactic Happiness Empire in sector 85192.4 and taking place at the Foam Nightclub in the old city district in Atlantis.
Xax is on her third Lollipop Rainbow Party tour and this is her first visit to Earth. When asked about the party last week she was quoted as saying “Humans are a total upper, yo. No one knows how to party like them. My beats are gonna bring them to a whole new level.”
I asked myself last night, ‘how in the hell did I manage to drive to Barrie on a flat tire?’ but I didn’t bother to answer: that’s just stupid. It’d be way too circular: as if I’m both Acrisius and the Oracle. You don’t want to mess with that shit. In any case, I changed the tire: I had to, even though I didn’t necessarily want to.
It was just something that had to be done even if it was something that was difficult and unnecessarily exhausting. That baffles me as it’s just five bolts to be removed and then reattached. I even have a hydraulic jack. It really shouldn’t drain me the way it does. But for some reason it’s about as exhausting as I imagine turtle tapping is to poor old Mario. Despite the fact that it was a draining experience, at least I was able to make my escape from Barrie. That’s always good.
I wish that damn groundhog would actually tell us when spring will be sprung. No more games with shadows. I know he’s not stupid: he’s not really afraid of his shadow. Based on my research, I also happen to know he can speak the Queen’s English. So Willy needs to stop all this crap and come clean! Oh God oh God oh God for the love of mud pies, when will spring be here?
You see, I have some stuff to do that doesn’t involve snow, and by stuff I mean life. There’s a great many people who have put off doing things because they can’t be bothered to expend the effort it would require in winter.
There’s a man north of here who has a body to bury: man gave the goosy eye so he done had to be shot. Problem is the ground has been frozen so he’s had to keep him in the freezer. Well, where’s he gonna put his pizza pops in the meantime? Damnit!