Vox Newman

The Priory of Bullshit

May 20, 2012
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While I was researching secret societies for Fey Tales, I came across a story so awesome that only the old adage “You couldn’t write this shit” describes it.  There I was, reading a Wikipedia article for the Priory of Sion: this group probably sounds familiar to most people as it influences the basis for the plot of the Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown and also seems to be where Holy Blood, Holy Grail authors Michael Baigent, Richard Leigh and Henry Lincoln got the bulk of their source material (which Brown later borrowed from).

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Here’s where the awesomeness comes in:

To many people the above books strike them as a contrived history that doesn’t ring true and to others, they sound like a conspiracist’s wet dream.

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Rise of the Planet of the Apes

June 22, 2011
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If there were two movies that to my young mind shaped my view of the world, right now I’d say they were Planet of the Nerds and Revenge of the Apes.  You all remember these movies right?  Who couldn’t?detective chimp revenge of the nerds rise of the planet of the apes voxnewman

In the first movie you have intrepid Nietzschean astronauts flung far into the future who discover to their dread that nerds have taken over the planet (sort of the opposite of this movie).  It’s full of dramatic performances and great lines like ‘You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!’ and ‘Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty nerd!’

The other movie, of course, was your typical pubescent sex-romp-coming-of-age-tale.  Apes get their own fraternity and steal a bunch of sorority girls’ panties and put on some new-age laser-light show.  And of course there’s Ogre yelling ‘Apes!’ from the balcony.

Classic.

No.  Wait.

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The Human, Grey, Reptilian Agency

June 15, 2011
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I was having coffee with a Grey named D’xia’lepid’othec and a Reptilian named Jox.  Actually I was having coffee, D’xia was cleaning his anal probe and Jox was drinking a mocha-human-blood-frappuccino.  We were discussing current exopolitics.discordian society illuminati Human Grey Reptilian Agency voxnewman

Both of them, like myself earlier, were recently let go in the downsizing that followed the market meltdown in 2008.  In fact, Jox had only been let go last week and D’xia was let go a few days before that.  The Grey and I were quite surprised to learn that Reptilians had been behind the sub-prime mortgage fiasco and had billions of their liquid assets wiped off their books.

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History with Nicki Minaj

May 12, 2011
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Nicki Minaj helpfully explains historical events.

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I Know of Kung Fu!

April 23, 2011
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I’ve watched quite a few Kung Fu movies and I think I’ve got the gist of it.  I’m ready to hunt down that bully that works for the local gang.  You won’t have to pay protection fees anymore.  Well, not their protection fees, anyway.  Heroes got to get paid, son.

Let me fill you in on my credentials.kung fu yin yang shao lin scissor vox newman

I’m like the goddamn Batman.  I’ll come in and those criminals will be all “Who’s this guy?” but their lips won’t be moving properly in sync with their words and it’ll seem all weird until you realize that some unknown presence is speaking through them.

Who cares?  I’m gonna punch their faces off anyway.

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