Vox Newman
But It’ll Be 178 Good Years
2 Comments
I’ve come to a conclusion (for now) as to how I wish my gravestone to look. As always, the song that should be played for my funeral is “The Beautiful People†by Marilyn Manson.
Tags: 1976, 2154, bwains, death, funeral song, gravestone, marilyn manson, newman logic, the beautiful people, zombies
The Black Market
3 Comments
Don’t miss it! Today only, the criminal underworld is having a garage sale: a market on the shores of the Black Sea. Setting aside their differences, members of the Yakuza, Triads, United Nations, Hell’s Angels, Russian and Italian mobs etc have put aside their differences to bring you this once in a lifetime opportunity.
Need spare pieces for a kneecap? Look no further. We’ve got everything you need, such as Sun Tzu’s lesser known work: the ‘Art of the Drive by’.   If you’re in need of cash, all of our vendors can spot you: prime plus 1000.
Tags: Al Pacino, black market, community, criminal underworld, drive by, drug trade, fun, garage sale, hells angels, hoffa, jabba the hutt, jimmy, kneecap, mafia, organized crime, party, tony montana, triad, united nations, yakuza
Time? Shmime!
3 Comments
I’m sure many of you have questions about time travel. First of all, it appears that when it comes to Earth, the British seem to have the most experience with time travel.
Now, some of you might be convinced that time travel isn’t possible but you couldn’t be further from the truth. Have you ever had sex in the 4th dimension? This should be enough to convince you, as you haven’t lived until you’ve had time travel sex and this is why The Time Traveler’s Wife is the truest story I know. Time traveling friendships are ok too.
You also might think ‘Hey, things always go wrong when the future is involved.’ and therefore are wary of listening to the advice of future people. But what has the past ever done for you? That’s right, it abandons you, just like your ex. If you ever get a chance, just embrace a jaunt through the 4th dimension!
Tags: 12 monkeys, 4th dimension, 88 miles per hour, adventure, advice, back to the future, bill and ted's excellent adventure, charlie chaplin, cyber men, dalek, dimension, doctor who, einstein, fart-apples, flux capacitor, frequently asked questions about time travel, hadron collider, hot tub time machine, john titor, lost, quantum leap, question, road trip, superman, TARDIS, terminator, the future, time, time lords, time travel, time traveler, time-vortex, travel, trips, writing
He’s so Jimmy
Comments Off on He’s so Jimmy
Jimmy here: sorry I didn’t return your text/email/call/tit flash in the club, but I was busy getting laid i.e. winning. I might get back to you later, if I need a booty call when my girlfriend’s out of town. She’s a model, so she goes out of town a lot which means that you might be winning sometime soon. Keep in mind though, that I have an epic contact list. Don’t worry, it’s not organized alphabetically, it’s ordered by the magnitude of what I imagine you can do with your lips.
Of course, making out with your girl friend can only help your case. But don’t think it settles matters: there’s all kinds of trampy ways for hot girls to get my attention. And really, that’s what I’m all about, getting attention: if you give me the right amount and I’m drunk enough, things will naturally progress from there.
Tags: adventure, bitches be pumpin', boy, community, dog with a bone, fun, girl, jimmy, love, making out, newman logic, tao of steve, winning
The Lollipop Rainbow Party
8 Comments
So, I was chatting with a chipmunk today and he said this bird he’d spoken with earlier was blathering about a moose she met who was moaning about the fact that he was invited to the party of the century by magical pixies and how he couldn’t make it. The party in question was being DJ’d by Xaxthanol 6 of the Intergalactic Happiness Empire in sector 85192.4 and taking place at the Foam Nightclub in the old city district in Atlantis.
Xax is on her third Lollipop Rainbow Party tour and this is her first visit to Earth. When asked about the party last week she was quoted as saying “Humans are a total upper, yo.  No one knows how to party like them. My beats are gonna bring them to a whole new level.â€
